The O.C. / To: Elliot, From: Portland
Finally, my world has calmed down post being punched in the face. Kenny, AKA grandpa, and I are going down to Columbia, S.C. and kicking the shit out of that cheesedick bouncer. Then grandpa is going to nail that little bitch that said I grabbed her ass while I tape it for the blog...that is, if grandma is cool with it.
Wow, the O.C., the fuckin O.C. What a joke it has become. Ryan and I have watched it and still do, but Jesus H Bad Storyline, it's gone too far. Get this, Seth (one of the main characters, real life Adam Brody) smoked MARIJUANA and missed his Brown college interview. Doubt that many Califorians want to go to Brown and the whole process of his roast session was borderline retarded. He’s walking down the boardwalk when he runs into the new, bad girl character. She’s smoking what looks like a cigarette, oh wait, it’s not! Seth questions her, blah blah. She offers as her sister (Miesha Barton) shows up. Older sister doesn’t smell anything, nor does she say anything. Cut to Seth in his room with a towel under the door.
Our little sister Kelly said she about cried.
Getting punched in the face was a lot like, well, getting punched in the face. It happened so fast and the blood alcohol level was through the roof, which is probably a good thing, or it might have hurt even more at the time. If anything it made for something to blog about.
Here are a few things learned from taking a shot (as in, someone's fist) to the face:
1. Getting punched in the face ISN'T as cool as you'd think it would be. Yeah it looks cool on TV and shit, but it's not quite the grand time you'd think it is. All you badasses out there know it.
2. South Carolina is for incest, rednecks and general bestiality.
3. Scabs falling off while you eat take-out lo mein is not cool.
4. Teeth are sensitive and worth keeping around. Even tough my white ass would look nice with a diamond grill like the rappers have.
5. People will give you all kinds of shit if your lip is busted up, including, but not limited to: Hey Rocky! What happened to your face? Look out dude, a bouncer. Your face actually looks better.
6. Nothing like the taste of blood while you shower.
7. Yelling at cops is probably always a bad idea and a quick ticket to jail (in most cases).
8. Drunken call logs on the cell phone from the night before tend to get lengthy. Ryan the next day: "Yeah, you called me like three times yelling about how somebody just punched you in the face."
9. Maybe it's time I stop acting like a fool on my birthday.
10. If that bouncer ever comes around, he's going down in a pile of his own puke and blood, maybe even urine, while gramps hits that little liar whore, per grandma’s approval. You can bank on some videos.
Movies that have got some love lately:
Everything is Illuminated — B
Bad News Bears (new) — B-
Jarhead — B+
Waiting — B-
The Aristocrats — B
Walk the Line — A-
Capote — A
If anyone has ever had a DVD burner die on them, hit me up. After 6 months of working great, mine went to hell. Might have had something to do with the subwoofer it was sitting on kicking out nasty bass and messing the "laser" up. A freakin' "laser" beam. Didn't give that little bit of info to the company when their tech support told me it needed to be sent in for repairs.
Here are some tracks off the upcoming Portland tribute to the late, great Elliot Smith. Check out Colin Meloy belting it out. Dig the Dolorean track. This leaked awhile ago and is floating, but I've got something tasty for later in the week, so here's a bit to tide you over. Thanks to stereogum.com for the album artwork, that place rocks the party. Leave a comment if you listen and/or download a track.
The Decemberists — Clementine [mp3]
Dolorean — The Biggest Lie [mp3]
Eric Matthews — Needle in the Hay [mp3]
Sean Croghan — High Times [mp3]